How to make $$$ with you computer

it’s guaranteed $$$

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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry….

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Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Tech support: Would you click on “start” for me and…
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…

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Customer: I have problems printing in red…
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you.

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Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work…

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Tech support: Your password is the small letter “a” as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

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Customer: can’t get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: “No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.”

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And last but not least…

Tech support: “Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter “P” to bring up the Program Manager”
Customer: I don’t have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: “P”…..on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists
as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, “You
kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like
that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will
you do me a favor? I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to
come around every day and do your thing.”

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time
he had a sad smile on his face. “This recession’s really putting a big
dent in my income,” he told them. “From now on, I’ll only be able to
pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.”

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued
their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

“Look,” he said, “I haven’t received my Social Security check
yet, so I’m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will
that be okay?”

“A freakin’ quarter?” the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think
we’re going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter,
you’re nuts! No way, dude. We quit!” And the old man enjoyed peace and
serenity for the rest of his days.

Source: Comedy Central

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself
out as a handy-woman and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do
neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,” he said.
“How much will you charge me?” The blonde quickly responded, “How about $50?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man’s wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?” He responded, “That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?” The wife replied, “You’re right. I guess I’m starting to believe all Those blonde jokes we’ve been getting by e-mail lately.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” the husband asked. “Yes,” the blonde
Replied, and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.

“And by the way,” the blonde added, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus.”

He shouldn’t have trusted her…