About Coolness

sorry…

A blond was watching the news with her husband when the newscaster
said two Brazilian men died in a skydiving accident.

The blond starts crying to her husband, sobbing, “That’s horrible so many men dying
that way!”

Confused, he said, “Yes dear, it is sad, but they were
skydiving and there is always that risk involved.”

After a few minutes
the blond, still sobbing asks, “How many is a Brazilian?”

Thanks to dennistruckdriver from MLP forums for this

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior
high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace
and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon
three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down
his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The
crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old
man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists
as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, “You
kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like
that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will
you do me a favor? I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to
come around every day and do your thing.”

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time
he had a sad smile on his face. “This recession’s really putting a big
dent in my income,” he told them. “From now on, I’ll only be able to
pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.”

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued
their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

“Look,” he said, “I haven’t received my Social Security check
yet, so I’m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will
that be okay?”

“A freakin’ quarter?” the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think
we’re going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter,
you’re nuts! No way, dude. We quit!” And the old man enjoyed peace and
serenity for the rest of his days.

Source: Comedy Central

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art - Any computer you can’t afford.

Obsolete - Any computer you own.

Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G3 - Apple’s new Macs that make you say “Gee, three times faster than
the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.”

Syntax Error - Walking into a computer store and saying, “Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.”

Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.

GUI - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced “gooey”)

Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.